12 August 2013.. admitted to the onco ward.. to meet Datuk.. memang the whole morning nervous tak sudah.. we didn’t bring out all the things from the car yet..sbb taktau ape nak expect.. so we only brought out benda penting je..
About noon.. Datuk came.. Aisy was asleep.. i pun tengah yg tgh baring.. terus bangun.. hubby dalam kete tgh tido..ngantuk sangat..tdo lewat malam tuh.. so Datuk asked me to call hubby, n so i did.. hubby pun dtg..
This is what Datuk said.. more or less..
“So.. macam ni.. his tumour tak banyak changes in size.. this is because tumour dia banyak calcification.. which makes it hard for the chemo to react on it.. it decreased only a few percent.. jadi i’m considering a surgery for him..”
I said, “oh ok”
He continued.. “But u need to understand that the location of his tumour is very rare.. his tumour is extensive (very big) so it is taking space from left to right.. if the tumour is a bit lower near the pelvic, it shouldn’t be a problem.. but since the location is complicated, it will be risky.. especially because his major blood vessels are wrapped in the tumour.. blood vessels for his intestines, kidneys and some other things as well.. so if the blood vessels gets damaged, he will have a serious complication..
I interrupted, “Wait.. what kind of complications?”
He answered, “Life threatening complications, takleh guna usus dia..kidney failure..blood loss”
“Takde cara lain ke?” I tanya.. “Ade, kita sambung lagi dua kali chemo, then surgery.. but if u ask me, based on my experience, it won’t make much of a difference..and if it gets even harder, lagi susah for me to do surgery on it”, he said.
I asked again,” So in your entire experience, how many cases have u handled that has the tumour at that rare location?”
He replied,”Around 5 patients.”
..................................................................................................oh my God.. skarang nih.. i masih withhold my tears from falling eventho it’s so hard to do because need to concentrate as much as possible to what the doctor is saying..
“So he is number six la kira.. what happened to the five patients that went through with the surgery?” I tanya dgn suara yang keluar tak keluar nih..
He said, “Hmm.. some died..some lived”.
Okayyy.. when he said that.. air mata ni mmg dah tak boleh nak tahan.. sebak jiwa terus cengkam dada...... i rasa macam nak mati.. i cerita ni pun i takleh behenti nangis..
So Aisy punya chances of survival mcm mane Datuk? I continue tanya..
Chances of survival? ............................. he paused a while..then said.. 50-50..
Ya Allah... kau berikanlah aku ketabahan Ya Allah.. atau berikanlah aku penyakit anakku ini kpd ku ya Allah.. sesungguhnya anakku tak berdosa Ya Allah..
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Sebelum ni, ade yg suggest untuk try perubatan alternative.. sebab diaorg ade dgr pasal this treatment yg takyah chemo n takyah surgery.. tapi kitaorg takdelah try lagi sebab ingatkan aisy okay.. so i asked the doctor..
“Datuk....... what is your opinion on alternative treatment?”
“Alternative treatment.. for me.. kalau alternative treatment tuh works.. i will be out of work.. i tak payah la keje lagi.. and if they work, nape org2 tuh tak well-known?.. plus alternative treatment punya orang never tell u the truth as how i’m doing right now.. as i told u.. chances mmg 50-50.. kalau org kat luar tuh, dia akan ckp.. oh anak u boleh lagi ni.. plus.. i have seen too many cases yg last2 mak ayah dia bwk anak dia dtg sini balik utk treatment sbb alternative treatment tak menjadi.. and in the end..it was too late for me to save them.. walaupun berjam2 buat surgery..i tak dpt selamatkan diaorg.. that is my opinion”.
Wow...marah betul dia bila sebut pasal alternative treatment..actually i agree with him... yg mana yg dapat cure melalui alternative treatment tuh mmg la Allah yg selamatkan..mmg of course semua ketentuan Allah.. tapi mungkin dia cuma ade cancer yg stage 4s ker.. yg takyah treatment and tetiba sihat sendiri..who knows.. but that’s my opinion..
Datuk tanya, “So are you planning to do an alternative treatment?”
“Eh tak.. we were just asking for your opinion..because u said 50-50..so i was just wondering” hubby jawab.
“So will u be deciding now or u’re gonna call the hospital tomorrow and give your answer? If nak proceed, we will do it this thursday, means u have to masuk rabu lah”
“hmm..ok.. i think we will go home now..discuss with our family members and inform tomorrow morning”.
My hubby and I were left in that room with intense emotions.. perasaan yg tak pernah kami rasa sebelum ni.. a VERY VERY HUGE DECISION to be made..by us.. macam mane nak buat decision yg mempertarungkan nyawa anak? How? Kalau tak buat and ape2 jadi..mcm mane? Kalau proceed and ape2 jadi..mcm mane pulak? Ya Allah.. masa tuh.. rasa diri ni kecik sgt di mata Allah.. badan rasa ringan nak tumbang.. I peluk aisy... sambil nangis.. try taknak bagi dia nampak tapi takleh tahan.. org2 kat katil sekeliling semua pandang jer tgk keadaan kitaorg..
“Dah.. jom sayang.. kita balik..nanti kita fikir yer”, hubby cakap..
So we packed up and left...
In the car... i told hubby that we need to gather our family and inform them of the heartbreaking news.. but have we decided? I think we have.. what choice are we left with?
I texted my mom and sis... hubby called his mom..I also informed my dad.. my parents are divorced, so my dad is staying in another state..and mom is here.
So family will gather at my house after maghrib.. I asked my sis if she could take the day off the next day to spend time with aisy.. coz we don’t know what’s gonna happen.. she said she’ll try..
After maghrib, hubby’s parents n sis dah sampai.. my sis n bro in law dh smp.. so we started the so called press conference to inform them of the situation.. of course some of them cried.. aisy was sleeping while it was going on.. so kitaorg pun bagitau diaorg yang we decide nak proceed with the surgery.. bcoz itu yg hati bagitau.. so i told them to spend time with aisy and play with him.. coz doctor dah bagi tiga scenario kalau proceed dgn surgery..
Number one... he survives the surgery
Number two... he survives with permanent complications..
Number three.. he dies..
macam mane remuknya hati masa tuh.. Tuhan jelah yg tahu.. malam tuh mmg istiqarah, hajat, istiqarah, hajat, doa, doa, doa supaya dapat petunjuk.. dan bila bangun pagi esok.. kul 8pagi.. call hospital..bgtau diaorg kita nak proceed dgn surgery khamis ni..wallahualam..
Ya Allah.. berikanlah sifat keredhaan kepada kami atas segala ketentuanMu..
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