The day before the admission, my father came down from Penang, he wanted to see and spend time with aisy before he goes into surgery. As tough as it is for my father being a handicap, he made it to KL to see his grandson. Also to give me emotional support and assurance that Allah knows best..
So.. the day has come..Dengan hati yang konon2 cekal.. jiwa yang cuba ditabahkan.. kitaorg sampai di HKL about 10am.. aisy got admitted at the surgical ward on 14 August 2013.. hopefully semuanya okay sebab we are not used to the nurses at the surgical ward, so we don’t really know what it is going to be like.. kalau kat onco ward tuh dah biase and senang lah.. nak mintak tolong ape2 ke kan..
As we settled down.. my dad and sis came to visit and play with aisy.. also the surgeon came.. he explained again to us about the procedure.. the risk.. n the possible outcome.. he told us that they will have to reserve an ICU bed for aisy, then only they can proceed with surgery coz sometimes ICU penuh, if penuh means they have to postpone the surgery... coz usually after surgery, most children end up at the ICU...so oklah, i understand..he also showed us the ct scan results.. we saw that it was memang besar and nampak major blood vessels dia is in between the tumour.. Allahuakhbar.. his tumour is so big that it has pushed both kidneys to the side.. i saw my dad trying to withhold his tears tapi sebak dia tak tahan and i saw his tears rolling.. and so Datuk told us that the anaes will be coming later and then he left..
My sis n dad stayed sampai kenal halau hehe sebab dah lebih 2 jam dari allowed visiting hours.. heheh then about 4.30pm, they came again.. my dad’s flight back was that night, so dia nak spend time puas2 dgn cucu dia.. that was the time the anaes came.. she told us about the risk again.. and asked us to sign the release form untuk blood transfusion.. dia ckp.. “aisy punya operation ni memang akan perlu blood transfusion sebab major surgery kan.. tapi kena faham ye.. kita akan try untuk ganti darah dia sebanyak dan secepat mungkin tapi kalau kita tak boleh nak catch up dengan kehilangan darah dia, dia mungkin akan kena cardiac arrest (jantung berhenti)..and dia .. hmm.. he can die because of that..” anaes tuh ckp dengan rasa yg amat serba salah.. ..........hati i dah kebas dah rasanya.. i just gave her a nod..and signed the paper..
Then when the night came.. after my inlaws, my mom and hubby dah balik.. i just looked at aisy sleeping.. belai dia.. pegang dia.. cium dia.. bisik kat telinga dia..
“Aisy sayang.. ibu tahu anak ibu ni kuat.. ibu tahu Aisy boleh lawan cancer Aisy ni.. Ibu and ayah sayang sgt dekat aisy..ibu and ayah nak aisy membesar dengan sihat dan sempurna supaya aisy dapat jadi anak yg soleh dan bimbing ibu n ayah masuk ke jannah sayang..tapi Aisy.. kalau Aisy rasa terlalu berat untuk Aisy harungi..Aisy jangan tahan demi ibu n ayah ye sayang.. ibu n ayah faham kalau aisy terpaksa tinggalkan kami..ibu faham.. ibu tau yg aisy dah tak tertanggung lagi.. tapi aisy tunggu ibu n ayah kat syurga ye sayang.. aisy doakan ibu n ayah dari sana ye.. ibu cuma nak aisy tau yg ibu n ayah akan sentiasa berada di sisi aisy walau dlm apa jua keadaan sekali pun... we love u so much...”
..................................................................................................malam tuh, aku belajar macam mana nak sembahyangkan jenazah kanak-kanak lelaki... demi anak aku.. walaupun air mata tak berhenti, aku tegaskan jua jiwa ini untuk mempelajari ilmu itu..kerana jika Allah inginkan anakku di sisiNya, at least aku dapat memberi anak aku hadiah yang terakhir...
Inilah doaku dalam tiap2 hari...”Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau Maha Mengasihani, maka kasihanilah anak aku, sesungguhnya dia tidak berdosa Ya Allah.. Kau Maha Kuasa, maka tunjukkanlah KekuasaanMu dengan memberi belas kasihan kepada aku dan suamiku.. Ya Allah.. selamatkanlah anak aku.. hilangkanlah segala penyakit dan kesakitan yang ada pada dirinya.. Kau panjangkanlah umurnya supaya dia dapat membesar menjadi anak yang soleh yang sentiasa beribadat kepadaMu dan dapat membimbing hamba2Mu ke Jalan yg benar.. Tetapi Ya Allah, hanya Kau yang tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kami dan keluarga kami.. Jadi berikanlah kami sifat keredhaan dan kesabaran bagi mengharungi dugaanMu ini Ya Allah.. tanamlah keimanan dan ketaqwaan dalam jiwa ini supaya dapat terus beribadat kepadaMu dan berjumpa dengan anak kami di syrugaMu Ya Allah..”Amin........
15 August 2013.. hari penentuan..they told us that ICU bed tuh is available for aisy.. this means... they will proceed with the surgery...Ya Allah..permudahkanlah segalanya di dalam operation theatre itu Ya Allah...
Kul 7.30am Aisy dah bangun.. Hubby pun dah sampai dari rumah.. around 8.00am we gave aisy his bath.. tiga2 dalam toilet buat kecoh hehehe.. tau jelah.. equipment nak mandikan baby tak lengkap kat hospital tuh.. takde baby bath tub.. so kena la improvise..hahaha aisy memang loves his bath.. hmm..so dah abis mandi.. wangi2..pakai baju cantik2....8.30am....nurse datang... “Jom..OT dah panggil”...................................................................sambil nak angkat aisy and kemas2 skit barang kat katil tuh.. sambil menitis air mata yang tak mungkin dapat berhenti.. ade salah seorang ibu kepada patient kat situ dtg approach.. dia ckp.. sabar.. insyaallah takde ape2.. i just kept quiet.. and continued rearranging stuff kat atas katil tuh.. sebenarnya taktau ape yg dikemaskan pun.. just to delay time untuk ke OT je kot... then hubby pujuk and ajak pegi ke OT.. so i held aisy and hugged him tight and kissed him... then pass to hubby... dah sampai OT... i teman aisy masuk ke dalam... his ayah gave his last kiss...then i bawak dia masuk... theres a waiting area kat dlm dewan bedah tuh.. before we enter the OT.. so masa duduk kat situ.. aisy looked at me.. and smiled.. then suddenly he kissed my cheek... Ya Allah.... Jika itulah hakikatnya..ambillah aku..bagilah anak aku peluang untuk hidup Ya Allah... I hugged aisy and said..”Aisy... Aisy kena kuat tau.. Ibu tau aisy kuat... ibu and ayah tunggu aisy kat luar tau..aisy jangan pergi lagi ye sayang..ibu n ayah tunggu aisy..”. while i was talking, medical officer datang suruh masuk dlm OT.. before masuk, ramai doctors and nurses yang kerumun aisy..they all know aisy.. semua nak pegang dia.. nak cium dia.. maklumlah..ni kali yang kelima dia masuk OT..so mmg famous dah lah kat situ.. while semua tgh main2 dgn dia, one of the doctors in charge for his operation asked them to disperse as aisy needs to be taken to the OT..so semua pun wave bye-bye kat aisy... in the OT, as usual, i put aisy on the warm bed.. they gassed him down.. then i gave him the last kiss.. and i ckp..”ibu n ayah tunggu aisy kat luar yer sayang..be strong..assalamualaikum sayang”....
..............................................................................................rebah...i keluar dari dewan bedah and terus rebah... on my knees... and cried..... nyawa ni rasa macam nak tercabut.... lepas dah boleh berdiri.. i walked towards hubby.. dia tak nampak sebab dia duduk kat corner.. dia terus hug i... and i meraung....semua orang pandang...biarlah org pandang.. nyawa aku ade kat dalam OT tuh akan bertarung untuk hidup... istighfar... istighfar... tenangkan diri... baca surah yasin.. dan surah2 lain sementara tunggu....
“Doctor!!” i stopped her kat depan dewan bedah tuh.. “Blood ni semua utk aisy ke? Knape bawak lagi? Yang tadi tak cukup ke? Kenape?” Then doctor tuh mcm taktau nak jwb mcm mane.. she said “oh tak.. ni untuk standby jer..dont worry”.. ohhh okay... lega skit tapi...btul ke? Is there something they are not telling me?
About 2.30pm hubby tried to find out something from the doctors kat OT coz it’s been 5 hours... then hubby came and told us that the tumour is still not out yet.. Ya Allah.. kenape susah sangat? Is it so complicated? Kepala otak ni mula la fikir yg bukan2.... tawakal..tawakal.. pastuh hubby and i keluar amik angin kejap.. then about 3.30pm we came back..baru nak minum air, suddenly Datuk (operating surgeon) came out and called us in.. ape lagi.. berlarilah hubby and i.. menggigil satu badan...
Semua family members berkumpul depan pintu dewan bedah, waiting for the result...
“Hmm..the surgery went well than i expected.. we managed to remove almost 100% of the tumour... no major blood vessels were damaged.. but hmm... “
Ya Allah...knape?? but what??
“His blood vessels to his testicles had to be sacrificed.. it was too stretched out because of the tumour..so we couldn’t save it.. he will have a problem bila dah kahwin nanti lah.. don’t worry..manhood dia still ade cuma sperm counts might be less..”
Ya Allah.... thank you Ya Allah... Thank you for saving my baby...
“This means he is doing okay Datuk?”
“Yes..he can go back to the ward.. he doesn’t need to go to ICU”..
Ya Allahhhhhhh.... aku sujud syukur padaMu atas pemberianMu ini Ya Allah... You answered my prayers...
Hubby shakes Datuk’s hands and thanked him for everything..”Oh yea Datuk, can we have a look at the tumour?”
“Yea sure”, Datuk replied.
Hubby and I hugged each other... and cried...
There it is.....
We showed to our family members who were standing outside... they were all shocked on how big it was... mmg sangat besar untuk baby umur 9 bulan.. We told them that Aisy is gonna be alright... semua nangis and hugged each other...
Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Penyayang lagi Maha Mengasihani....
Later... After 6 long hours of surgery.. Aisy was brought back to the ward... looking at him in that condition just breaks my heart and soul into pieces... if only it was me...and not him... besar dugaan Kau pada kami Ya Allah..
No comments:
Post a Comment