MRI results :(

4th Feb 2014, hari penentuan huhu.. Dup dab dup dab jantung ni nak gi tengok MRI results Aisy.. We reached the hospital about 9am. Appointment is at 10.30am... Hubby bengang sebab kuar awal sangat hehehe yelaaa.. Susah kan nak dpt parking kat HKL tuh. So takpelah kalau sampai awal.. Takdelag tergesa2.. Xpelah men n women dont think alike hehehe .. Anyway, so bila dah sampai, dah dpt parking, we sat and played with Aisy in the car sampai kul 9.30am camtuh. Then kitaorg gerak to the Neurosurgery Clinic.. 

As usual..sampai kul 9.30am, appointment kul 10.30am, dapat jumpa doctor at 1.00pm.. Huhu Aisy pun dah puas main at the whole 5th floor sampai letih n ngantuk dah hehehe

Okay.. The neurosurgeon called us in.. Hati ni sangat mengharap positive results bcoz lepas dah buat rawatan Islam tuh, keyakinan utk Aisy sembuh bertambah.. 

However, Allah lebih mengetahui.. Lepas doctor dah check physical progress Aisy yang sihat tuh, he showed us the films pf the results.. Hmmm... 

"So okay.. U can see the tumour is from L2 to L5.. It has penetrated the spine an is pushing the saraf tunjang".. "Kita tak tau bila dia boleh paralyse or anything like that, so my suggestion is to do operation lah to take out the one yang compressing the saraf tunjang".. 

........ I asked, "what about the tumour thats surrounding the spine?"

"Oh itu i tak boleh pegang sebab byk saraf motor.. And plus utk yg lain tuh he needs multiple surgeries lah"... 

Hati ni rasa macam mane ek? Taktau nak describe how i felt when the doctor told all that dengan nada yang sgt tak prihatin.. Ok, feelings aside, "so what are his chances? And what are the chances that the tumour will masuk balik dlm apine canal?"..

"Well, i tak boleh bagi percentage tapi semua tak certain lah.. I cannot jamin if the surgery can be successful or not, i cant say if he will survive after the surgery, i cant say if he wont have a brain infection or infection to d spine.. Tumour tu pun i kena bukak and tengok dulu, baru tau boleh buang fully, we will try to scrape, sedut, bakar, semua lah yang boleh dibuat.." 

Doctor showed a video and images of how its gonna be done but all of those cases as he call it, are simple cases. Aisy punya is complicated. 

Hmm.. Mata dah berair dah.. Dada dah mula sakit.. 

 "We cant decide now", hubby said.

I added, "u know as parents, seeing him reach his milestones without any problems and hes running and active like a normal kid, then suddenly nak bagi dia lie on the bed dunno whether he'll recover or not"..

"Well, he is okay for now lah.. later u taktau.. Okay, i give u two weeks to decide, coz i need to know asap whether u want to proceed or not, tapi ingat, if u tak nak, then anything happens to ur son, paralyse ke ape, then baru u all nak datang suruh buat surgery, i cannot do it immediately lah hah? U all wait in line lah. Tunggu lama lah yer. Coz 15 million people come here to get treated eventho banyak lagi hospital cantik2 kat luar sana.. Why? Coz we have the expertise here..so u all decide lah.. Come back to me on the 18th feb..

Sakit hati pun ade bila dengar dia seolah2 mcm threaten us like that.. Haihhh.. Sabar lah yer doctor.. Kami kena mintak petunjuk dari Allah dulu.. Let Him guide our decision.. Bukan boleh senang2 nak decide.. If its us, out body, boleh la.. Ini nyawa anak kami.. His well-being.. Its not easy.. 

And so.. We went home with our hearts full of pain.. Minds full of worry.. Thoughts only for Allah.. Seeking His guidance.. And His mercy.. 

After going home and discussing with our parents and families.. We have decided to give him alternative supplements.. Herbal based supplements, with hopes it will help reduce, maintain or even cure his cancer.. Despite how skeptical people are about these kind of treatment, and how doctors are against it.. Korang takkan tau sampai benda ni jadi kat anak korang sendiri.. U will do anything and try everything to avoid him from going thru any pain and misery.. Eventho its more expensive than our treatment in HKL. Its worth trying.. 

For now, we still havent decide on whether or not to proceed with the surgery.. Tunggu jelah 18 february 2014.. Tengoklah Allah gerakkan hati ni nak kata ape.. 

Skang tengah nak buat merchandise untuk raise cancer awareness and also nak raise funds utk Aisy punya medical supplements since its quite xpensive.. Cuba lah cari cara ape2 pun nak collect funds huhu.. For now, tgh nak buat car sticker.. Huhuhu 

Doakan lah supaya kitaorg diberi petunjuk dan jalan yg benar dalam setiap urusan dan decision yg kitaorg buat.. 

Hati sayu jer.. Haihhh..