Update on Aisy

Salaam everyone.. its been awhile since my last post.. which is good coz maksudnya Aisy takde ape2 masalah in his health insyaallah.. but just for updates, Aisy’s latest check up was on 10th July masa bulan puasa harituh.. and syukur Alhamdulillah, his kidney dah tak bengkak and no progress on the tumour.. and since all is going well, the oncologist, first time jumpa doctor ni, slalu jumpa Dr. Z jer.. but this time jumpa this other doctor.. she said lepas ni tak payah buat ultrasound scan every month dah.. mulai skarang, cuma buat sekali dalam dua bulan jer.. happynyer dengar..

Tapi… haaa ade tapi… haihh.. tapi aisy kena buat chemo port flushing.. haaa?? tapi Aisy dah tak flush dah tiga bulan! sebab harituh Dr. Z cakap takyah flush dah sebab dah nak buang.. but this doctor insist kena flush jugak.. she said it is IMPORTANT to always do flushing.. haiyoo.. mula la i nak panic kan.. mestilah dah sumbat kan sebab dah 3 bulan tak flush?? what will happen to Aisy kalau dia tak buat flushing and benda tuh sumbat?? macam biaselah, me being tak puas hati.. pergi bilik sebelah and tanya Dr.Z, “camne nie? kata dah tak payah flush and now this doctor suruh flush? Aisy dah tiga bulan tak buat flushing..i thought u said tak payah dah?” huhuh Dr.Z diam jap and masuk bilik dia..

After few minutes, she came in and said, “Takpe, tak payah flush, i already called the doctor kat ward cancer tuh and we will get you the closest date untuk remove chemo port dia, we will call u and tell u the date.. it should be somewhere near Raya.. so maybe takleh balik kampong la..”

Hmmmm….okay.. that’s good if we can get the closest date la kan but we might have to cancel the Penang trip… huhu… takpelah as long as its out.. im happy.. and so dah selesai semua.. we went home..

……………………………………..

And now, we still haven’t got the date for his chemo port removal… kerisauan melampau.. and every week mesti call doctor kat ward to ask the status.. being the persistent mom that i am hehe.. but Dr.N has been really nice to entertain my calls and try to accommodate as much as he can.. we haven’t been given a date because memang waiting list sangat panjang and selalu ade emergency cases.. so memang susah nak dapat the Operation Theatre (OT) for this.. i understand but im just so worried sebab Dr kata, if tak buat flushing lama, can cause thrombosis.. which is blood clot yang boleh menyebabkan peredaran darah terganggu and menyebabkan tisu yang tak dapat supply darah and oksigen tuh mati.. haihhh.. naudzubillah.. i really hope this does not happen.. aisy dah sihat.. i taknak lah benda ni jadi ancaman to his health kan.. hopefully dapatlah date for next week.. hari2 pikir.. Plus we are still waiting for a date untuk buat MRI before year end..semoga dipermudahkan segalanya..

Pray for Aisy..

Aisy's monthly scan

Salaam n greetings readers, its been awhile but theres not much to update since Aisy is now only going for his regular check up every month with his oncoligist.. And another with the neurosurgeon.. 

Well last Thursday, we went to the paediatric institution, did his ultrasound scan and clinic check up..

Menangis la dia kat atas katil masa scan tuh, nangis mcm kena pukul.. Sampai sedu sedan.. Then trus crawl up kat ketiak ayah dia and fell asleep tertungging heheheh poor baby.. Tired of crying..

Alhamdulillah doctor said the tumour has no progression.. Means it didnt grow and nothing weird kat abdomen dia.. But unfortunately his kidney is still mildly swollen.. Still dunno what the cause is n still have to observe his urine n all that.. 

Otherwise he is doing very well n is indeed very active alhamdulillah.. We will be meeting the neurosurgeon on the 17th just to keep him updated of his condition.. 

Ohh and after his check up, Aisy visited his cancer mate at the main building kat ward mata coz kwn dia retinoblastoma, tak sempat nak bergambar coz they had to leave for surgery masa kitaorg sampai.. Diaorg sempat bagi buah tangan jer dari Kedah.. Time kasehhh!! 

So lets keep praying for Aisy to be cancer free for life and also for those children who are still fighting.. May God give us strength.. :)

Oh yea, n the cat kat depan main building tuh takut dgn Aisy coz Aisy asyik nak kiss dia jer hahaha.. Aisy loves meeooowww..

Update on Aisy

Salaam all.. well as you know, harituh Aisy buat MIBG scan.. masa first day tuh dia terbangun half way, so we had to repeat scan the next day..hehehe tapi kali ni doctor bagi stronger sedation supaya dia tido lama skit...

Alhamdulillah Aisy tido throughout the scan and the doctor told us that Friday tak payah repeat dahhh..coz aisy tak move langsung ...yeayyyyyy.. seronok sgt.. takyah lah masuk sedation lagi kan..

Ni muka dia yg masih high.. Cian anak ibu ni..

So itu cerita MIBG.. semalam pulak, aisy ada ultrasound appointment at 9.00am and also appointment with neurosurgeon at 9.30am..  

konon2 nyer the ultrasound will only take a while.. but unfortunately, the doctor discovered that his right kidney ada a bit of enlargement.. bengkak sikit.. so, diaorg korek balik all results dia from the last MRI scan bla bla bla and had some discussion among them.. so they said kena tunggu lagi 30-40minutes.. time was 11.00am dah masa tuh.. however, the doctor dah call the neurosurgeon clinic and told them that Aisy will be late for his appointment.. Nasib baik clinic okay.. kalau tak, nak kena postpone bagai..malas la nak kena amik cuti lagi..

So kitaorg pergi la rounding2 dalam kereta dulu.. sambil makan n minum.. dengan Aisy tak habis2 nak ngamuk jerr.. letih la tuh.. haihhh.. hati ni dah rasa macam2 dah bila diaorg kata buah pinggang bengkak sikit.. otak pun fikir bukan2.. hmm... then after 40minutes, kitaorg pegi balik kat tempat ultrasound tu.. so they requested to do another ultrasound just to make sure the images are clear.. diaorg scan spine dia and they said the tumour is still there.. hmm.. so we finished everything around 12.20pm. so rush pegi ke the new building to see the neurosurgeon..

Ni muka ngamuk sbb lama sangat dah menunggu huhuhu

dah sampai tuh, takyah register ape pun. nurse tuh terus tanya, “Aisy Ezkandar ke?”.. ohh rupanyaa doctor dah menunggu.. but not the neurosurgeon himself..another doctor yang tolong dia kat situ just to see patients yang follow up like Aisy.. but the neurosurgeon did pop up sekejap to see.. ayat dia memang takleh blah.. “So, anything? takde ape2 kan? haa oklah, banyak lagi patient i nak jumpa”.. and he left the room just like that.. hmm i guess that’s the treatment you get when you don’t follow their advise.. hihihih takpelah.. Allah kan ada..

So tomorrow is Aisy’s appointment with the Oncologist.. we’ll see how it goes.. debar jantung ni nak tau MIBG scan results dia.. hopefully all is well... insyaallah.. :)

Ok folks, will update you with the results soon.. cheerio my silent readers..!

Regular Oncology Appointment

Yesterday (13 February 2014) was Aisy’s appointment with the Oncologist.. As usual.. We did everything we usually do as i wrote in my previous post..

Sampai sana around 9am plus.. then do all the necessary things.. Alhamdulillah.. ultrasound results clear.. blood counts pun okay.. flushing pun okay.. yeay..

the doctor asked me if I have decided whether or not we wanna proceed with surgery.. I told her that i’m still waiting for Allah to answer my prayers to give my hubby and I guidance (although it seems that He has, but being human, nak kena confirm btul2) hehe but.. sape lagi yg boleh tolong? no one except for Him...

So I asked her a few questions about their plan for Aisy.. her explanation wasn’t really clear but I don’t blame her coz we as parents pun didn’t give her our consent to proceed with anything.. so the only thing thats coming up is the MIBG which could be in late March or April.. she also gave me the list of drugs that is in plan for Aisy’s chemo (if we want lah).. three different and stronger drugs than before...

Cyclophosphemide

Vincristine

Doxorubicin/adrimiacin

hmmm.. need to find out more on these drugs first before we even consider giving it to Aisy..

So that was all we talked about..she didn’t elaborate much on the MRI results coz I think she didn’t see the scan films..only the report.. so nevermind...

I was doing all the talking with the doctor.. Kesian hubby takleh join in coz Aisy is running here and there ..so kena main kejar2 around the clinic hehehe.. Before I left.. the doctor pat me on the back and said, “God only tests those that are strong and dear to Him”.. “Insyaallah it will all be alright”...

Hati seorang ibu... pilu.. sayu.. hopeful..punah ranah.. risau.. redha.. sedih.. bersyukur..

All I ask is for Him to bless me with sifat redha for all that He has planned for us..

New year's first appointment

Hi.. Its been awhile since ive updated Aisy's story.. N hope its not too late to wish u readers happy new year! Huhu well, on 2nd January 2014 is Aisy regular checkup with the oncologist at the oncology clinic.. 

So, as usual we would do the same procedure every six weeks.. Doctor check his physical progress.. Do an ultrasound to see his abdomen if there is any irregularities.. Then kena flush chemoport and amik darah to see his blood counts.. 

Alhamdulillah doctor said his ultrasound result is fine.. Everything looks normal.. So lepas dah chit chat chit chat, not much to talk about coz we r still waiting for the MRI results, so not much to consult on pun coz Aisy pun sihat n cergas like a normal kid..

After consultation, pegi amik darah and flush chemoport, alhamdulillah blood counts pun cantik.. No problem.. So dah happy, kitaorg pun balik lerr.. Tunggu jelah entry for MRI results..

Chemoport removal and re-insertion

Salaam all.. sorry ive been quite busy handling life as it comes.. okay, so to continue the last entry.. Alhamdulillah the next day (29 October 2013) aisy recovered fully from the general anaesthetic (GA)..

Datuk came to visit and said that aisy is to do an ultrasound today because they want to see his jugular veins at his neck for chemoport re-insertion.. it turns out diaorg nak remove chemoport yang dah rosak ni and insert a new one..hmm... nape nak kena insert new one since kita tak tau pun result ct scan dia lagi.. what if he doesn’t need anymore chemo after this? I tanya Datuk, but he gave an answer yang tak clear tapi indicate that mcm dia dah tgk the ct scan result, so looks like aisy needs more chemo lah.. but Datuk tak discuss lebih dgn i because itu kena tunggu oncology yang explain.. hmm okay.. if he says so, takpelah.. sebab i pun taknak aisy asyik keluar masuk surgery jer. So sekali jalan jelah.. buang chemo port lama n pasang baru at the same time..

Tapi ape2 pun kena buat ultrasound dulu sebab nak tengok saluran darah dia okay ke tidak.. diaorg nak tau nak pasang port baru tuh kat mana..kiri or kanan..

Tunggu punya tunggu.. dah tengah hari..hmmm..bila nak buat ultrasound ni? 

Tunggu...tungguu... tunggu... dah kul 3pm.. hadoii.. nie dah kali ke berapa i tanya nurse and doctor bila diaorg nak panggil aisy to do ultrasound.. so they checked with the people kat tempat tuh, they said they have received the request, Cuma kena turn jer since ramai yang nak scan harituh.. oklahh.. my only concern is that tempat scan tuh tutup kul 5pm..and its already 430pm.. malas la nak tunda benda tuh and do nothing the whole day... 445pm barulahh diaorg panggil.. fuhh..nasib baik.. so we went.. aisy mcm biasa lah..meronta2 nangis bila kena restrain.. nangis sampai tertido..sian dia.. so diaorg tengok, it looks like the right side mcm tak brape elok sebab damaged by the previous chemoport kat situ dulu.. so they said maybe letak port baru kat tempat sama (which is on the left chest) tapi tube maybe masuk melalui area kat pelvis dia.. hahh??? Melalui pelvis?? Biar betul?? Messed up betul saluran darah anak aku? Ya Allah..permudahkanlah...

So the ultrasound was done..tunggu ajelah esok untuk surgery.. aisy surgery pukul 3pm.. wahh tak pernah2 dia surgery petang..selama ni dia mesti first case or second case..pagi2 dah buat.. but now that dia dah older.. jadi la case kelima atau keenam..shian dia..so kena puasa start pukul 9am.. oh and he had fever so his surgery might be cancelled.. aduhaii i really hope not.. so i mandikan dia n all that to bring his temperature down..Datuk kata if by afternoon dia still fever, then we cancel the surgery.. no no no.. jgnlah tunda2..tuam lah pale dia..ketiak dia..blakang dia.. and left him naked biar sejuk skit.. then bila tgh hari, nurse check temperature.. Alhamdulillah.. 37.2.. yeayy.. lega sangat aisy dah tak demam n can proceed with surgery..

Hmm bila tgh hari dah mula lapar.. nangis nangis nangis...sampai tertidur.. tak larat dah.. alahai anak ibu..

Then around 1pm.. nurse suruh packing2 n siap2 untuk pegi operation theatre.. now the OT kat paediatric is under renovation, so kena guna OT kat main building.. kenalah naik ambulance to go there.. then about 145pm..kitaorg sampai the main building.. suka aisy naik ambulance heheh.. then i had to wear all the surgery clothing n what not.. pastuh tunggu at the waiting area.. aisy ngamuk2..nak tido.. nak susu.. alahai..finally berjaya to calm him down and bagi dia tido.. after sejam tunggu.. around 245pm baru diaorg panggil masuk.. okay.. masa sudah time.. they put him down..i kissed him goodbye and left the OT.. Ya Allah selamatkanlah anak aku.. permudahkanlah segala urusan..

4.40pm.. Mama aisy??? Eh..dah siap ke? Alhamdulillah.. i tunggu sampai tertidur kat waiting area.. so i rushed to go and see him.. Alhamdulillah anak ibu okay.. and thank God..they managed to insert port n tube baru kat tempat yg sama (kiri) and takyah nak masuk tube kat pelvic and all that.. syukur Ya Allah..

So i carried him in my arms and waited for the ambulance to come.. his tok mama tengah tunggu kat ward.. around 5pm plus ambulance datang..

Sampai ward, jumpa my mom.. and aisy main kejap dgn tok mama dia n went to sleep...still drowsy from the GA..

Doctor came n said if everything is okay..esok boleh balik but have to see the oncology doctor first before getting discharged..

Oh yeah..this time around ayah aisy cannot take turn to jaga aisy at hospital coz he has got a new job.. so tak boleh la nak cuti2 lagi.. so i took charge lah hehe.. then suddenly i demam pulak.. badan seram sejuk.. so mintak tolong my sis in law to stay over jaga aisy for that nite.

The next morning, i went to the hospital..then my sis in law left for her class.. Alhamdulillah aisy okay..but his fever datang balik.. kesian dia..so since takleh mandi coz baru surgery.. asyik lap badan jelah.. then around 5pm.. agak lambat lah.. oncology doctor pun dtg..and my mom pun dah datang..he said just come for aisy punya appointment with onco clinic lah seperti yang dah plan tuh.. his appointment is on 20th November 2013.. so oklah.. since demam aisy pun dah surut, boleh balik dulu.... pastuh tunggu punya tunggu.. dah kul 7pm nih.. nape nurse tak bagi lagi discharge note semua? Then tanya diaorg..katanya diaorg tak dpt instruction pun pasal nak discharge kan kitaorg.. aikkk.. bukan datuk dah kata ke? Alahaiii.. medical officer tak habaq lah tuh.. and now kena tunggu doctor yg on call untuk dtg and discharge us..

 tunggu punya tunggu.. Maid i pun dah bohsan tahap gaban tunggu heheheh.. doctor came around 9pm plus.. mak aihh lambatnya.. so we left almost 10pm..balik umah..where ayah aisy is waiting..so aisy dapatlah lepas rindu to his ayah.. eventho ayahnyer datang everynite after work, tak sempat nak play pun sebab aisy is usually knocked out cold.. and so.. all is well insyaallah..tunggulah 20th November 2013..

By the way, 3rd november ni is aisy's first bday.. So kitaorg dah plan dah celebrate on the 2nd nov dah lama dah but suddenly when this happened, kena put on hold dulu.. So since on 31st oct aisy dah discharge, boleh la continue with d plan , alhamdulillah.. 

The Detection

So you see.. the detection was by chance.. we were lucky enough to have followed our instincts.. kalau nak tunggu symptoms, memang takde lah sebab aisy tak tunjuk ape2 symptoms.. yang demam tuh biaselah baby demam, nak membesar kan? .. so we were blessed with the early detection.. or so we thought..

Monday morning, 10th June 2013, dah tercangak depan Institut Pediatrik, HKL.. we were referred to the surgical ward.. for those yg dah biasa dgn IP ni..mesti dah tau ward mane kan.. so pergi la register n whatnot.. ingatkan jumpa doctor jer..rupanya kena admitted terus..hmm ok, xpe.. nasib baik barang2 semua dah siap dlm kete.. so we were given a room at the back sebab kat depan semua dah penuh.. it is an open ward with no air conditioning, only ceiling fans.. but they provided extra standing fans for each bed, so it was not so bad.. so as we walked through the ward, memang sgt sedih sebab seeing small babies with all the wires around their bodies.. balut sana balut sini.. maklumlah, surgical ward kan.. so semua yg ade kt situ mmg akan atau sudah pun melalui surgery.. so we thought..oh, aisy will be going through surgery lah kot anytime soon..to get rid of the tumour..

Ok, dah sampai the room where we were given, hmm.. bilik berdua, aircond ade, memang comfy.. Alhamdulillah..rezeki untuk beginners hehehe.. yelah, for me, i mmg tak biase staying at govt hospital.. this is actually my first time.. itu pun not for me, but for my son.. hmm okay.. my hubby expert dah bab2 hosp govt nie.. so dia explain la kat i and taught me how to prepare myself with the service and procedure n whatnot... ok ok.. i boleh handle.. so i pun tekan la button kat dinding tuh, konon2 nak panggil missy.. rupa2nya benda tuh tak berzaman tak berfungsi.. kena panggil missy secara manual yer.. tapi kitaorg bilik paling hujung skali.. jauh dari counter missy.. hmm.. takpelah, tunggu jelah bila2 missy datang..

So we waited for the surgeon to come and check on us, also to review the ct scan films that we brought with us from Pjaya hosp. Lama jugak la nak tunggu, i think afternoon kot baru surgeon dtg.. then he came.. i saw his tag.. he was the head of surgeon..hes a Datuk..hmm ok.. nervous skejap.. then he reviewed the films and asked us about the findings in Pjaya hosp.. so i told him lah what the docs told us.. i also asked if it is possible for the mass to be just his tahi keras je?? He said a simple “no”..then he said.. “They could have done a better job with the scan.. hmm.. in my experience, i’m guessing it is neuroblastoma (cancer saraf)and not Wilm’s tumour but we will do a biopsy to actually know what it is..”..”but before that, we will do an ultrasound just to be sure of the size and location.” In my heart, i was actually hoping for it to be Wilm’s tumour because after Pjaya said it could be either or, i did my searching on the net and i think Wilm’s tumour is less complicated. But when he said it looks like neuroblastoma.. my heart shrank a lil bit.. 

Next day.. we did an ultrasound... it was quite long because the sonographers macam tak percaya jer bila tengok ultrasound tumour dia.. coz the tumour is like all over the place.. from one end to the other.. guess what? I was still hoping that it’s just his stool yang keras yg dia tak berry hahahah.. denial..i know.. but any mothers would have still hoped for the same..so i tanya the sonographer.. u rasa boleh jadi tak benda ni tahi keras dia je? Hahahahah he chuckled and said.. most likely tak.. ok fine.. i kena terima la kan..

After ultrasound sume dah selesai.. petang tuh, a doctor came and told us that they will be doing a biopsy and chemoport insertion for aisy the next day.. biopsy tuh oklah.. but chemoport insertion??? What on earth is that.. i know it’s got something to do with chemo tapi ape benda tuh? Then she explained that it is a port where they will tanam under patient punya skin.. so that bila buat chemotherapy, cucuk line kat situ sebab chemo takleh guna peripheral line (line kat tangan or kaki).. ohhhh i see.. but why nak letak cepat sangat? Kita tak tau pun aisy perlukan chemo ke tidak.. abihtuh, kalau dah buat biopsy nanti, tetiba aisy takyah buat chemo.. nak buang balik ke benda tuh? Bukannya benda kecik sebab it needs surgery to do it kan.. so i still tak puas hati kenape nak kena letak chemoport tuh cepat sangat.. nape taknak tunggu results dulu? Then doctor said.. because Datuk thinks its neuroblastoma.. so most probably it needs chemo.. i macam.. hebat sangat ke Datuk ni sampai boleh diagnose tanpa biopsy? Hmm.. tapi doctor tuh mmg mcm convinced la dgn sangkaan Datuk..ok.. so hubby n i pun terpaksa terima la dgn hati yg open..petang skit, anaesthesiologist pun datang.. dia explain pasal allergy terhadap general anaesthetic (GA) n all that.. sign release form etc..

So Wednesday is here.. sudah tiba masa untuk biopsy and chemoport insertion procedure.. i risau more on the GA reaction sebab it’s the first time for Aisy kan.. macam2 boleh jadi kalau ade bad allergic towards GA tau.. so mmg teramat risau..then about 9am.. we were called to the dewan bedah.. nervous.. cuak.. debor.. gigil.. first time kottt... so bila dah sampai, Medical Officer (MO) tuh tanya sape yg nak masuk.. so hubby and i looked at each other and we decided i yang masuk.. so pakai all the necessary things.. and bawak my baby masuk ke Operation Theatre (OT).. i kissed him nonstop while walking ke OT.. Then MO and anaes suruh i letak aisy on the warm thingy atas meja operation tuh.. so i did.. then they inserted the GA through his line kat tangan, then mata aisy terus naik ke atas.. Ya Allah.. detik yang sangat menakutkan dan merisaukan aku.. pastuh MO suruh i kiss him and leave the OT.. so i kissed him and told him that ibu and ayah will be waiting for him outside.. as i left.. i couldn’t hold my tears.. memang hancur hati bila keluar dari tempat tuh.. i masih lagi boleh rasa kepiluan yang genggam hati i at that moment.. i ran straight to hubby and he hugged me, cuba tenangkan hati i.. i nangis dalam nak dekat sejam kot.. pastuh bila dah reda.. try to doa dlm diam.. sambil sembang2 kosong with hubby just to get our minds off the anxiousness.

It is now 11.30am.. hmm lamanya.. .......12.30pm........ susah ke nak letak chemoport tuh?.........1.30pm... aihh, biar betul.. lamanya... 2.00pm.... “Aisy Ezkandar!”... nurse panggil from the Dewan Bedah.. berlari lintang pukang ibu n ayah ni heheheh.. then i pakai balik benda2 tuh sume and went in.. alahai..sedihnya tengok my baby boy tergelepek kat atas katil kat tempat recovery tuh.. merengek2 sebab lapar.. yelah.. puasa since 3am.. skang dah 2pm.. baby.. mestilah nangis.. so i held him..takut2 sangat sebab takut terpegang tempat yg diaorg buat surgery tuh.. i held him.. calm him down.. kissed him puas2.. Alhamdulillah.. anak ibu okay.. after about 15mins holding him, i switched places with my hubby.. to let him have the chance to see his son.. i know he doesn’t show that he is worried tahap gaban but deep inside.. i tau dia risau.. so i waited outside.. then about another 15mins after that, Aisy was brought back to the ward.. doctor said bagi air je dulu.. bagi sikit.. to see if he muntah or not.. i just terus gave him milk about 3oz.. then tengok dia okay jer.. i gave him another 3oz.. syukur sangat takde ape allergy or side effects after the minor surgery..the day ended well with our family visiting Aisy.. he was happy..

Thursday.. Datuk came.. and told us we could go home!!.. yiippeee.. bestnyer.. he will inform us of the results next week.. and tengoklah macam mane nanti.. ok.. so ape lagi.. packing2 ..vrroooommmm...pulanggg... 

 

The Putrajaya Hospital Experience

4th of June 2013, we reached Pjaya Hosp in the morning, sangat serabut, sampai2 je, tetiba rasa satu macam.. hmmm.. uh oh.. mcm lampu merah jer.. larilah pergi beli “roti” dekat hospimart, then lari ke toilet kasi pasang huhuh.. mmg betul la lampu merah.. ok fine.. dah berpeluh2 dah nih..

TIBA-TIBA...Aisy buat business besar la pulakkk.. cari baby room, takde??!! Seriously?? And i saw a sign saying this hosp is baby friendly hosp.. i was like.. (giving a sarcastic face).. okay fine, masuk toilet.. takde tempat pun untuk i baringkan anak i.. hmm camne nak tukar lampin ni.. orang dah makin ramai ni.. nak register lagi..nak dapatkan nombor yg terawal nih.. stress stress...pusing2 nampak opposite clinic paed tuh ade bilik menyusu.. hmm.. walaupun ade notice kata takleh cuci berry anak kat situ..lantak lah..abih tuh, takkan nak tukar kat counter nurse kan? Hangin kejap.. ok, masuk nursing room tuh, nasib baik ade sink.. okay tempat nak letak aisy limit skit tapi boleh la make do.. okay letak aisy atas table tepi sink tuh.. dia plak meronta2.. bukak lampin, basuh berry dia kat sink, jerit2 dia sebab air sejuk.. nak buat macam mane kan.. terpaksa la.. then dah cuci, nak lap, pakai lampin semua, aisy tak mau duk diam, last2 terhantuk kat dispenser tissue kat dinding tepi tuh, lagi la melalak dia.. hadoii.. peluh menitik2 nih.. tetiba tgk baju pun sudah kena berry la pulak.. amik plak baju, kasi tukar, mmg wrestling habis dgn aisy yg tgh mengamok.. dah siap semua.. terus angkat aisy, bukak pintu, pass dia kat ayah dia.. huh!!!!! Letihhhh... ok the hard part is done.. now nak gi counter amik number.. tetiba hubby kata.. takpe yang.. i dah amik number and register, u cuma bagi info kat counter register tuh jer.. wahhhh.. sangat lega rasanya.. rasa cam nak cium cium hubby kat situ.. sebab sgt meringankan beban dan menghapuskan serabutness yg ada..

Ok so dah settle kat counter, tunggu la kat waiting area paed clinic tuh.. i think 1 hour plus kot? I don’t really remember, but its around that la.. Aisy memang pengsan dah sbb tunggu lama..pastu diaorg panggil amik darah sume, timbang.. then jumpa doc.. doc pun check2, and she asked a lot of questions of course.. and so did we.. hehehe

After checking and all that, doc said memang ade something kat situ, so she called the specialist asking whether or not we should be admitted. After describing her findings to the specialist, he asked us to be admitted on that day itself for further investigation. Oklah. So we went ahead n registered for ward admission.

So dekat ward yang first class tuh, it was quite comfortable cuma i don’t understand why diaorg tak provide bed for parent yang overnight. Instead they gave a reclining chair.. memang patah pinggang lerr.. we stayed till friday kot... me and hubby took turns.. the first night.. i cried.. just looking at my son, kena cucuk peripheral line kat tangan and whatnot.. talking about cucuk line.. hangin balik rasanya bila teringat this one doctor kat situ.. HMO je kot.. Ya ampun.. boleh tak dia datang ke katil we all, pukul 1am, saying nak pasang peripheral line kat aisy, i cakap.. “alaa..dia baru jer tido, boleh tak buat kejap lagi sebab nak masukkan drip pun kul 4am..”.. dia kata, “takleh, kul 4am jap gi banyak lagi patient nak admitted..”.. boleh?????????? Dia ingat aku nih bangang ke hape?? Mane ade orang admitted kul 4am unless emergency cases kottt.. pastuh yg lagi siut (im being nice) nye lagi.. i tak sempat nak bangun and kejutkan anak i elok2.. tetiba dia angkat anak i macam tuh jer!! So my son woke up terkejut and looking at his masked face.. then bwk masuk bilik rawatan and restrained him and nak cucuk line.. of course la anak i terkejut, tetiba bangun kena cucuk bagai kan.. eeeee geramnyerr bila teringat.. tambah2 lagi, i taktau brape kali dia cucuk.. tak jumpa vein!! Anak i dah melalak tahap gaban dah.. sampai tarik tau tak.. i went in the room and told him to stop and continue later on, i need to calm my son down.. nurse plak halau i kuar, boleh??? Then i went to the counter, nampak doctor yg betul2 doctor and told her of the situation. So she went in then skejap jer dah settle semuanya.. i carried my son and dia dah stop nangis..but still tarik.. hancur hati tgk dia mcm tuh.. then i tried calming him down at the tv room.. but dia still on off nangis and still tarik.. after that, i went to the nurse yg halau i tadi coz i couldn’t find the inconsiderate b******.. i asked her his name..and told her to tell him “Don’t ever come near my son again!”.. that was the last time he handled my son’s case.. My son tarik smp kul 4am tau.. eventho he has fallen asleep.. so parents out there, it’s okay to say no or to question their treatment towards our son.. doctors are not always right.. we can always refuse.. but be smart and choose ur battle wisely.. btw, my son until now, is still traumatised when it comes to setting up the line, he just needs to enter the bilik rawatan, dia dah melalak dah.. thanks Dr HMO!! Thanks a lot!!! fuhh lega rasanya dapat luahkan perasaan..

Ok anyway, kat sana, they did few scans.. ultrasound, xray and ct scan.. baru i tau yg anak i memang tak affected dengan ubat..hahahaha coz they had to give him morphine to knock him down masa nak buat ct scan.. wahaha.. hebat sgt.. anyway, i think it was wednesday night kot.. the doctor came and told us about their findings.. masa tuh.. dunia ni rasa gelap jer.. it felt like everything has come to an end..

Doctor said, “We found a tumour near his kidney... it is about 9cmx6cm in size.. we’re not sure what it is specifically.. it could be Nephroblastoma a.k.a Wilm’s tumour or Neuroblastoma..”

........................................................ Silence.... both my hubby and I were silent for a moment.. then we asked him a few questions then the doctor left.. both our heads couldn’t register what the doctor just said.. so i just kissed my son, hugged my hubby and left..coz it was hubby’s turn to stay the night.. yes i know some of u might judge me and say, “how could I leave my son and go home?? Ape punya ibu la macam ni and whatnot..” lantak la korang nak kata ape.. for me, its all about practicality.. if my hubby and i take turns staying overnight, then at least both of us have enough rest in order to take good care of our son.. ada paham tak?? In the day, both of us will take care of him, then bila malam, kitaorg tukar2 la tido kat sana.. sebab nak jaga orang sakit, minda kena cergas, hati kena tenang, tidur mesti kena cukup.. so if we have the chance to do so, why not? Kalau mmg dah takde pilihan macam single mothers or fathers tuh, memang takleh buat ape2 la kan.. so i think u guys get the picture.. nak terima ke tak.. tak kisah la..

Anyway... when i left the hospital.. while walking to the car.. air mata menitik bagai nak rak tanpa sedar.. tetiba jer nangis teresak-esak..masuk kete.. tenangkan hati.. sebab takut nak drive dlm keadaan macam tuh kan.. kang teraccident satu hal la plak kan... so dengan hati yg serba relax serba tidak tuh, i pun drive home.. masa nak sampai rumah.. tetiba kawan office call.. tanya i.. macam mane? Ade ape2 results tak? ....................... terus berderai ayaq mata cheq.. nak cakap tapi tak keluar ape..kawan i mesti terkejut kot time tuh.. tetiba dengar i meraung kat telephone.. meraung sampai la depan umah.. park kete.. pastu try control nangis.. kawan i sabar n tunggu jer on the line.. then bila dah boleh ckp.. i told her what the doctor said.. rasa macam nak terjun bangunan dah masa tuh.. (pls excuse my expression yea.. im not suicidal, just expressing the details of my heart).. then she asked me to calm down and update the office of any news..

Masuk umah, cite kat Mama.. oh by the way, we stay at my mom’s place since my mom is a single mother.. kesian nak tinggal dia sesorang.. so bila dah cite kat Mama, meleleh lagi la air mata.. pastuh naik atas.. nangis sampai tertido sambil peluk baju anak.. 

Then when Friday arrived.. doctors still nak hold kitaorg sebab nak buat investigation lagi tapi hubby dah fed up dah sebab hosp buat anak dia macam experiment exhibit kann.. doctor nak observe air kencing lah ape lah.. but i refused sebab i tak nak diaorg buat macam2 but diaorg sebenarnya taktau sangat pun.. plus bila pakai catheter kat saluran kencing tuh, possibility of bacterial infection is quite high and im not willing to risk it la kan.. sebab one thing i memang very particular when it comes to my son’s exposure to the dirty world nowadays.. bukan dirty ape, maksudnya mcm2 penyakit, udara tak bersih.. n all that la.. so i don’t bring my son to places mcm pasar malam.. supermarket.. or tempat2 yg ramai orang, tempat ramai orang akan batuk and bersin kat muka kita la senang kata.. biarlah orang nak kata ape kan.. lain org, lain la cara jaga anak.. oops dah terdivert pulak.. ok sambung.. so last2 the head of paed datang jumpa kitaorg uallsss.. dia kata dia follow case aisy this past few days.. tapi dia kata.. dia kena refer kitaorg kat HKL sebab nak buat MRI semua.. and Pjaya don’t have those kind of facilities.. so kami direfer untuk pergi hari pada hari isnin pagi.. and so, our chapter at Pjaya Hosp ends..