Neurosurgery Clinic Appointment

Yesterday was Aisy’s appointment with the neurosurgeon.. the neurosurgery clinic was at a new building..cantik jugak lah.. we arrived around 8.45am.. appointment kul 9.00am.. carik parking at the kat dlm building.. Alhamdulillah adelah spot.. tapi illegal.. ade org warning kata jgn park sbb nnt kena clamp..tapi sbb dah penuh parking, nak buat camne? And ramai yg park illegally.. takpelah..tawakal jelah..

So we reached the neurosurgery clinic at level 5.. gave aisy’s name..pastuh tunggu.. we waited for almost four hours.. haihhh.. dengan aisy jalan sana jalan sini.. jatuh terlentang..terhantuk kepala..nangis jerit2.. taknak susu.. haihhh.. sabor jelah heheheh

Finally.. about 12.40pm, we were called in.. so doctor saw Aisy.. tengok kaki dia..tengok cara dia berjalan semua okay Alhamdulillah..

Doctor went thru his CT scan.. he said as what the oncologist said lah, ade penetration to the spinal cord.. so he wants to do another MRI next month because the last MRI buat masa 9 July 2013.. dah lama dah..before surgery.. he said if MRI shows its okay, then takyah lah surgery, but if MRI shows its still there, then most prolly they want to proceed with surgery.. he actually explained the surgery quite in details..and graphic as well.. he showed us pictures of surgeries yang pernah dibuat.. Allahhh.. dia kata spine tuh dia akan bukak and kaypak ke belakang untuk buat surgery pada the layer beneath.. rasa mcm nak pengsan je tengok benda2 mcm ni.. then imagining it done unto Aisy..trus rasa cam nak mati... Allahuakhbar..i don’t want to share the pictures here coz its too gruesome to see..and not advisable for viewing..

But the thing is he said.. if surgery.. its either it will be successful, or if dia tengok tumour tuh dah melekat pada spinal cord, he wont do anything and juz close it back.. boleh? Or..if the brain punya sambungan thingy (sorry tak ingat nama) leaking or bocor, it can lead to massive infection and brain damage.. or.. u know what lah.. wow... and we as parents are supposed to decide this kind of things la kan.. antara hidup and mati... Ya Allah please guide us..

So okay.. after about 40 minutes of consultation.. he said his clinic will call to confirm the MRI date.. and new procedure, nak MRI or do any scanning, kena admitted a day before.. haiyooo... bohsannyerr.. takpelah..Aisy punya pasal.. so ape2 pun.. we have to wait till the MRI results comes out lah..which i think maybe end of January or early February.. but we will be doing an ultrasound this coming 2nd January 2013..also meet up with the oncologist for further discussion.. wish us luck and please pray for Aisy’s well-being!.. Thank you..

 

Follow-up appointment or Follow-up disappointment?

20th November 2013.. was six days ago.. Aisy ade appointment dengan oncology clinic dekat institute pediatrik.. as i mention before dalam recent post, appointment ni is to discuss aisy punya ct scan and future plans..

So we arrived kat IP around 9.00a.m. hubby dropped me n aisy while dia gi carik parking.. so i went to the klinik pakar area.. hamik number, registered.. bayor rm5..and letak aisy punya nombor giliran in the box pintu nombor 6.. that is the oncology clinic.. ramai pagi tuh.. as usual.. bila tengok sekeliling.. kesian budak2 ni.. macam2 penyakit, macam2 rasa sakit.. but still they are determined to live happily.. so we as parents, will have to do our best to provide and give the best for our children kan... haihhh.. sayu hati..

So hubby pun sampai..dah dapat parking..mesti double parking.. biaselah kat IP susah sangat nak carik parking..huhu.. so neways..tunggu turn while aisy mingle dengan budak2 kat situ.. dia belai2 kepala budak ni..pegang2 muka orang tuh..hehehehe ..friendly as usual..

After awhile..tak lama sangat pun.. Doctor panggil kitaorg masuk.. so first of all.. doctor tanya aisy’s condition.. after explaining that he is doing well.. she asked to bukak kasut n socks aisy.. she checked his kaki.. ketuk lutut n check reflex.. all the things to check his saraf pinggang ke bawah is working well.. so far Alhamdulillah, all is well for now doctor said..

So.. next..doctor explained.. “okay.. so apparently tumour dia masih ade lagi dekat spine dia according to the CT scan, as you can see here”, doctor tunjuk CT scan film to us.. from the film, it shows thatade tumour around his spine and inside his spine.. dekat L4 and L5.. hmmm.. okay.. actually it is expected.. so hubby and i macam tak surprise..altho we always pray for a miracle la kan..

Oh by the way.. hubby and I also bring aisy to rawatan Islam sementara tunggu results CT scan ni.. kena ikhtiar la kan.. so anyway, doctor cakap diaorg nak refer aisy to neurosurgeon.. neurosurgeon??? Biar betul?? Operate again? Hmm.. i told the doctor.. “hmm..doctor..if nak operate lagi.. husband and i taknak kot..after what aisy kena go thru after major surgery last august.. X sanggup.. Especially spine pulak tuh”... doctor Cuma senyum je bila i ckp camtuh.. then she said takpe, kita takkan buat without your consent.. so the plan is to continue four cycles of chemo, surgery tuh depends on what the neurosurgeon says, whether boleh buat or tak.. because the spine, of course, is one of the most dangerous parts to operate on kan..but if chemo takleh get rid of the cancer cells.. then maybe tambah two more cycles...

“So ada beza ke chemo yang baru ni compared to the one yang aisy pernah buat?”I asked...Doctor replied, “Yes, actually this time the chemo will be stronger.. dulu carboplatin and etoposide jer.. since cancer to tak response the chemo.. kita buat yang baru ni which is going to be combination of three different drugs yang lagi kuat.. andinstead of tiga hari berturut2..its going to be LIMA hari berturut2..”.

Wow...seriously?? dalam hati n pale otak ni dah macam2 dah fikir.. what will happen to him kalau buat chemo tuh? Is he going to be okay? Now that he is bigger, mesti side effects lagi teruk..? kalau badan dia takleh cope up with the strength of the chemo camne? Will it be the end of everything? Tapi mcm mane kalau chemo yg kuat ni pun takleh bagi effect ape2 pun kat cancer cell dia, what then? Tambah lagi drugs? Tukar lagi drugs? Sampai bila? Pastu anak aku jadi apa? Ya Allah.. Kau berikanlah hidayah dan petunjukMu supaya kami dapat membuat keputusan yang terbaik untuk Aisy Ezkandar..

While doctor is writing down some notes and forms for us.. to arrange appointment for the next visit at the onco clinic, buat ultrasound and appointment with surgeon.. i asked..

”Honestly doctor, can u give me a truthful statistics on the survival rate for neuroblastoma (NB) cases?... i mean, dekat IP ni, brape orang since the first case yang survive sebenarnya?”

She looked at me with sympathy and said.. “hmm......honestly.. sorang dua jer......................................this is because bila patient dah cancer-free after treatment, the cancer relapse.. NB in majority cases memang relapse.. cancer tuh datang balik..and usually when it relapse................................chances tuh... hmmm.... susah sikit lah....”. this was what the doctor said to me..

“So kalau stage 4s macam mane doctor? (readers, stage 4s is the safest stage for NB, u can google this or tgk my post awal2 dulu)... Doctor explained,” Usually kita bagi fiver-year survival rate.. so maksudnya.. kalau ade 10 orang yang kena NB stage 4s, by the time diaorg reach umur lima tahun.. about 6 orang yg akan survive, which means survival rate is 60% for stage 4s..mengikut statistics lah..”...

“Ohh.. itu untuk 4s kan.. so what about stage 3 or 4 nih?”, I asked...

.................................................................. (Doctor just smiled)...................

Hmmm...okay... doctor pun tak sampai hati nak cakap sebenarnya.. its ok.. i understand..

So okay, we will arrange the appointment with the neurosurgeon doctor kata, eventho kita taknak surgery tapi apa salahnyer dengar the surgeon explain the situation kan.. so lepas dah selesai semua explanation and paperwork.. doctor asked to book date for ultrasound in January, flush chemoport and amik darah kat unit rawatan harian.. okay.. so kitaorg pun thank the doctor for being nice and patient with us.. hehehe .. we went to book the date.. 2ndJanuary 2014.. for ultrasound.. then gi flush port and amik darah, Alhamdulillah all went well.. cuak jugak sebab aisy baru tukar port baru kan.. so after all that.. kita pun pulang lah.. so for now, we will continue the rawatan Islam... and wait for the call to confirm the date to meet the neurosurgeon..

Buat sementara waktu ni.. Kena cuba sedaya upaya to prepare myself for the worse.. and always pray for the best... Allah knows best..

 

 

Emergency

Hmm.. Ape la nasib anakku.. Ayah aisy dapat rasa sesuatu menyucuk keluar dari dada dia, near his chemoport.. hmm suspect mcm sumthing wrong je ni.. thats why masa hari ct scan tuh, doctor xleh nak flush chemoport dia.. so check chemoport dia semlm kat onco ward.. Doctor suruh buat xray.. Skejap je xray.. Then tgk results, hmm mmg ramalanku benar belaka.. Tube yg sambung kat chemoport tuh dah putus.. Team surgical datang tgk, they said tube tu dah masuk dlm saluran darah.. 

So here we r today, admitted at the surgical ward.. Tgh tunggu turn to do immediate surgery.. Surgeon kata kena buat before the tube goes to his heart an into his lungs..Ya Allah.. U constantly remind me... 

However, surgeon takleh buat sbb tube tuh dah masuk dalam sangat. Hence, intervention radiologist will take over and do the procedure.. 

Its 12.50pm now.. Aisy last susu at 6.00am..nangis sampai tertido.. Lapar.. Haihhh.. Kesian anak ibu.. 

Thats all for now.. Will update once he has finished surgery.. Please pray for him.. Thank u..

Aisy's Assessment

21st October 2013... kitaorg bawak Aisy untuk ct scan... as mentioned in my previous entry.. ini adalah untuk assess progress cancer cells dia.. tapi hari ni scan jer.. results cuma boleh tahu 20th November 2013.. lambat nawww.. bila dah tau results..then only kita tau whether aisy dah cancer-free or kena continue treatment.. readers, tolong lah kami and doakan supaya Aisy cancer-free and no more treatments for the rest of his life... tak sanggup dah nak tengok Aisy membesar kat hospital..

After the procedure... Shian dia penat sangat.. Coz we also flush his chemoport but there was some problem with it.. So kena cucuk brulang ulang kali.. Nangis sampai tarik.. Sian anak ibu.. 

This coming sunday have to bring him back to HKL to check his chemoport.. Haihhh.. Hopefully all is well.. 

Last Chemo Cycle for the First Protocol

26th September 2013.. aisy admitted for 4th cycle.. tuh yg busy tuh, sbb bwk aisy untuk chemo.. huhu..so, doctor kata ni last cycle untuk first protocol dia.. after this, nak kena buat ct scan, nak tgk kalau cell2 tuh dah clear atau masih ade.. kalau ade lagi (naudzubillah)..kena la sambung dua cycle lagi tapi dengan chemo drugs yang lain daripada yg biase nie.. hmm.. risau jugak dgr..  tapi kalau cell cancer dah takde (amin).. Aisy Ezkandar cancer free!! (amin).. insyaallah.. doa doa doa doa doa doa....

So routine seperti biasa.. masuk line kat chemo port.. first day aisy okay lagi.. tapi badan panas sikit.. temperature tak kurang dari 37.0.. mesti 37.0 ke atas.. risaunya kalau dia demam.. takut kena infection ke ape.. plus kali ni dia lain sikit.. mungkin sebab dia dah nak umur setahun kan.. one more month to go.. so usually doctor kata side effects on children below one yrs old tak seberapa sgt compared dgn one year old ke atas.. so maybe bcoz lagi sebulan aisy will be one year old..kelakuan dia mmg lain.. dia jadi macam lagi aggressive.. i mmg jadi punching bag dial ah.. dia hantuk pale dia kat muka i..dia cakar i.. tampar i.. tarik rambut i.. which he usually doesn’t do lah.. so mmg this has been warned before.. patients going through chemo can sometimes act differently or badly.. mula2 mmg i upset lah tgk dia mcm ni.. tapi lama2 pasrah jelah.. nak marah pun takde guna.. budak lagi..

He also wakes up early in the morning and doesn’t sleep sampailah petang..bangun kul 530am.. petang baru nak tido..itu pun tido 30minutes jer.. hadoiii..i lah yg pening..huhuh..

And this time.. dua kali line putus.. tapi nasib baik line drip jer.. haihh.. also since i dah complain to doctor about aisy punya rashes after chemo.. doctor prescribe aisy an allergy medicine before start every chemo.. and Alhamdulillah.. after dah habis chemo.. allergy dia takde..and it helps him sleep.. so it is so much better for him to sleep through chemo sbb dia takkan gerak banyak, takut line putus masa chemo kan.. so sgt la lega..

So allergy takde...cuma dia kena gigit nyamuk on the last night, so reaction badan dia towards the gigitan tuh is not good.. so the benjot gigitan nyamuk tuh evolve to be something nastier.. slalu bila kena gigit nyamuk.. benjot n merah je kan... nih dia akan mula2 benjot n merah.. pastuh benjot jadi lagi besar.. and then the benjot akan macam ade air.. and now jadi small biji2 and merah... doctor pernah bagi cream fobian to put on these thingys..but since its quite near to his eyes.. i risau dia gosok2 and masuk mata pulak.. so i just put minyak biase jer..n hope it will clear away.. lupa plak nak amik gambar benda tuh..

Alhamdulillah after three days chemo selesai... sunday morning.. cabut line.. and pulang!! Doctor gave us the date 21st October 2013 for his ct scan and 20th November 2013 to discuss the results and what to do next.. so i guess i wont be having a lot more entries for the time being.. maybe i can update about aisy’s progress jelah..

Dear readers,

Please pray so that my boy no longer need any more chemo.. supaya dia cancer-free for life..dan membesar dengan sihat dan menjadi anak yg soleh.. amin..

The Call

I was at the office.. it was late morning.. around 11am.. an sms came in.. Theres a missed call..looked at the number.. hmm.. its the hospital

..................................... called back.... didn’t know what to expect.. “Hello, this is Aisy’s mother, did anyone call me?” I asked.. “Yes this is Dr N here, i called just now.. Mommy are u free to come in after aidilfitri on 12th August 2013, Datuk would like to meet you”. Dup!! Jantung stop kejap.. is this good news or bad news??? “ohh..is Datuk considering him for surgery? Does this mean that his tumour has reduced after the two cycles of chemo?” I asked excitedly.. “Well.. yeah maybe.. but i think it’s better for Datuk to explain”. Dup!! Again my heart stopped.. okayyyy..this doesn’t sound so good.. hmm ... “Do u have a problem with the date mommy.. if you do we can try n change with another date..no problem..u can always confirm with ur husband and call me back later”.. The doctor sounds so pleasant.. “Sorry..i’m ok with the date but just lemme confirm with my husband n get back to u asap..thanks doc” I replied.. Called hubby immediately, informed him about my conversation with Dr.N.. hubby paused a little... then agreed on the date.. and so i called back the hospital.. confirmed the time and date with Dr.N..

Few days later was raya.. I celebrated with only half the heart..

Aisy's CT Scan

Early morning dah kena kejut Aisy bangun.. cian dia.. nangis bila kena kejut.. yelah..nak kena lap sikit, tukar baju and siap2 nak gi hospital.. usually i don’t bathe him sebab its too early in the morning.. kesian sejuk..

So dah siap2.. gerak pegi hospital.. macam biasa.. masuk URH.. n then naik shuttle pegi jabatan pengimejan diagnostic for ct scan.. sampai sana, hmm agak ramai orang but they prioritise babies because babies puasa..org dewasa takyah puasa coz they don’t have to be sedated..

Before we left to the scanning place, nurse ade bagi contrast fluid that aisy is suppose to drink.. dia campur skit dengan sugar water to make it drinkable.. its yellow fluorescent in colour.. dia letak dlm botol susu aisy for him to drink.. i remembered it was about 7oz.. banyak tuh.. but i thought since aisy puasa..mesti dia dahaga..so maybe boleh la minum benda tuh.. rupa2nya dia baru jer minum dua teguk, terus tolak..takmao.. sanggup dahaga n berlapar ni.. tak sedap la kot? Tapi nurse kata benda tuh rasa manis jer.. hmm.. maybe not up to his standard la kot hehehehe..so bila dah sampai kat tempat scanning tuh, sambung lah bagi dia minum lagi benda tuh.. sungguh2 takmao.. hmm.. how la? Nak tak nak, dia kena jugak minum benda tuh coz they need the contrast to be in him for the scan.. so minta syringe dgn nurse.. masukkan air tuh dlm syringe, n paksa masuk mulut aisy.. semua patient tengok aje aisy yg sedang terpekik terlolong takmao minum ubat tuh.. dah la kena buat banyak round sebab doctor kata dia kena minum benda tuh at least setengah botol.. hadoiii.. mmg kesian tgk aisy meronta2.. tapi demi kebaikan dia.. we still had to do it whether he likes it or not la kan.. so after dah settle.. we gave him chloral hydrate for sedation.. lama gak la nak knock out.. after 30mins of mengamuk baru dia tertido.. then ayah dia bwk masuk to the scanning room.. skejap je maybe around 20mins tak sampai kot.. habis.. dah selesai.. so balik la ke URH..settle everything.. n chao!! Oh before we paid the bills n all that, terjumpa actress Anzalna.. amboi aisy bukan main lagi..gatai.. dia tepuk2 nyer muka anzalna tuh coz he was excited hahahaha.. poor anzalna.. so oklah, made his day and maybe his ayah’s day? Hurrmmmm..hehehe..

So now.. we just wait for the suspenseful call from the doctor regarding his ct scan report............

Aisy’s 2nd cycle of chemo & chemoport re-insertion

17 July 2013..it was a wednesday.. masa tuh dah start bulan Ramadhan.. so kena la puasa kat hospital.. we got ourselves to IP in the afternoon.. registered and checked in to the onco ward as usual.. so pasang line..amik darah.. then the whole day takde procedure except for the anaesthesiologist datang and asked us to sign the release forms etc.. so aisy is set for tomorrow morning at 9am for chemoport re-insertion..harituh chemoport dia on the right.. tomorrow they will insert belah kiri pulak.. near his heart.. insyaallah hopefully everything will be fine..

So keesokan harinya, as usual, aisy kena puasa.. and we brought him to the dewan bedah.. about 3 hours later.. all is done.. Alhamdulillah all went well.. he was brought to the ward for recovery.. dah sedar.. dah boleh minum susu.. dah boleh main2.. they will start his chemo at 6pm on that day itself.. haihh risau sangat kalau dia demam ke ape .. tapi kali ni confident sikit sebab line yang diaorg pasang kat chemoport tuh diaorg buat dalam operation theatre (OT).. so OT memang bersih n sterile kan.. so i rasa confident skit lah.. cuma taktau aisy punya reaction towards chemo kali ni macam mane pulak.. chemo ni..mmg u xleh expect what’s gonna happen.. we just try our best to overcome jer.. maybe boleh prevent jugak kalau dah buat research..

So 1st day chemo..alhamdulillah okay.. 2nd day chemo badan panas skit tapi bila tuam2 skit.. dia okay.. 3rd day pun Alhamdulillah syukur sgt2 dia active and ceria!! Hubby n i sangat2 happy sebab Aisy sihat and takyah prolong stay kat hospital sebab tak larat nak berpuasa kat hospital..sayu pun ade gak..sahur nasi bungkus ade penderma yg bagi tiap2 hari.. berbuka dgn makanan hospital share dua orang dgn hubby huhu.. By the way, on the day before we got discharged, ade visitors dtg bearing gifts and balloons.. aisy was so excited with the balloons.. heheh seronok tgk dia engross main dgn balloons tuh.. hehehe... so hari ahad we got discharged!! Yiippeee..!! but before balik.. we were given a date for Aisy to do his ct scan on 29 July 2013.. hmm.. this scan will be the evaluation of his progress of reaction towards the chemo.. hmm sangat debar.. memang doa supaya benda tuh hilang dengan miracle nyer.. huhu.. cuak cuak cuak...

The Putrajaya Hospital Experience

4th of June 2013, we reached Pjaya Hosp in the morning, sangat serabut, sampai2 je, tetiba rasa satu macam.. hmmm.. uh oh.. mcm lampu merah jer.. larilah pergi beli “roti” dekat hospimart, then lari ke toilet kasi pasang huhuh.. mmg betul la lampu merah.. ok fine.. dah berpeluh2 dah nih..

TIBA-TIBA...Aisy buat business besar la pulakkk.. cari baby room, takde??!! Seriously?? And i saw a sign saying this hosp is baby friendly hosp.. i was like.. (giving a sarcastic face).. okay fine, masuk toilet.. takde tempat pun untuk i baringkan anak i.. hmm camne nak tukar lampin ni.. orang dah makin ramai ni.. nak register lagi..nak dapatkan nombor yg terawal nih.. stress stress...pusing2 nampak opposite clinic paed tuh ade bilik menyusu.. hmm.. walaupun ade notice kata takleh cuci berry anak kat situ..lantak lah..abih tuh, takkan nak tukar kat counter nurse kan? Hangin kejap.. ok, masuk nursing room tuh, nasib baik ade sink.. okay tempat nak letak aisy limit skit tapi boleh la make do.. okay letak aisy atas table tepi sink tuh.. dia plak meronta2.. bukak lampin, basuh berry dia kat sink, jerit2 dia sebab air sejuk.. nak buat macam mane kan.. terpaksa la.. then dah cuci, nak lap, pakai lampin semua, aisy tak mau duk diam, last2 terhantuk kat dispenser tissue kat dinding tepi tuh, lagi la melalak dia.. hadoii.. peluh menitik2 nih.. tetiba tgk baju pun sudah kena berry la pulak.. amik plak baju, kasi tukar, mmg wrestling habis dgn aisy yg tgh mengamok.. dah siap semua.. terus angkat aisy, bukak pintu, pass dia kat ayah dia.. huh!!!!! Letihhhh... ok the hard part is done.. now nak gi counter amik number.. tetiba hubby kata.. takpe yang.. i dah amik number and register, u cuma bagi info kat counter register tuh jer.. wahhhh.. sangat lega rasanya.. rasa cam nak cium cium hubby kat situ.. sebab sgt meringankan beban dan menghapuskan serabutness yg ada..

Ok so dah settle kat counter, tunggu la kat waiting area paed clinic tuh.. i think 1 hour plus kot? I don’t really remember, but its around that la.. Aisy memang pengsan dah sbb tunggu lama..pastu diaorg panggil amik darah sume, timbang.. then jumpa doc.. doc pun check2, and she asked a lot of questions of course.. and so did we.. hehehe

After checking and all that, doc said memang ade something kat situ, so she called the specialist asking whether or not we should be admitted. After describing her findings to the specialist, he asked us to be admitted on that day itself for further investigation. Oklah. So we went ahead n registered for ward admission.

So dekat ward yang first class tuh, it was quite comfortable cuma i don’t understand why diaorg tak provide bed for parent yang overnight. Instead they gave a reclining chair.. memang patah pinggang lerr.. we stayed till friday kot... me and hubby took turns.. the first night.. i cried.. just looking at my son, kena cucuk peripheral line kat tangan and whatnot.. talking about cucuk line.. hangin balik rasanya bila teringat this one doctor kat situ.. HMO je kot.. Ya ampun.. boleh tak dia datang ke katil we all, pukul 1am, saying nak pasang peripheral line kat aisy, i cakap.. “alaa..dia baru jer tido, boleh tak buat kejap lagi sebab nak masukkan drip pun kul 4am..”.. dia kata, “takleh, kul 4am jap gi banyak lagi patient nak admitted..”.. boleh?????????? Dia ingat aku nih bangang ke hape?? Mane ade orang admitted kul 4am unless emergency cases kottt.. pastuh yg lagi siut (im being nice) nye lagi.. i tak sempat nak bangun and kejutkan anak i elok2.. tetiba dia angkat anak i macam tuh jer!! So my son woke up terkejut and looking at his masked face.. then bwk masuk bilik rawatan and restrained him and nak cucuk line.. of course la anak i terkejut, tetiba bangun kena cucuk bagai kan.. eeeee geramnyerr bila teringat.. tambah2 lagi, i taktau brape kali dia cucuk.. tak jumpa vein!! Anak i dah melalak tahap gaban dah.. sampai tarik tau tak.. i went in the room and told him to stop and continue later on, i need to calm my son down.. nurse plak halau i kuar, boleh??? Then i went to the counter, nampak doctor yg betul2 doctor and told her of the situation. So she went in then skejap jer dah settle semuanya.. i carried my son and dia dah stop nangis..but still tarik.. hancur hati tgk dia mcm tuh.. then i tried calming him down at the tv room.. but dia still on off nangis and still tarik.. after that, i went to the nurse yg halau i tadi coz i couldn’t find the inconsiderate b******.. i asked her his name..and told her to tell him “Don’t ever come near my son again!”.. that was the last time he handled my son’s case.. My son tarik smp kul 4am tau.. eventho he has fallen asleep.. so parents out there, it’s okay to say no or to question their treatment towards our son.. doctors are not always right.. we can always refuse.. but be smart and choose ur battle wisely.. btw, my son until now, is still traumatised when it comes to setting up the line, he just needs to enter the bilik rawatan, dia dah melalak dah.. thanks Dr HMO!! Thanks a lot!!! fuhh lega rasanya dapat luahkan perasaan..

Ok anyway, kat sana, they did few scans.. ultrasound, xray and ct scan.. baru i tau yg anak i memang tak affected dengan ubat..hahahaha coz they had to give him morphine to knock him down masa nak buat ct scan.. wahaha.. hebat sgt.. anyway, i think it was wednesday night kot.. the doctor came and told us about their findings.. masa tuh.. dunia ni rasa gelap jer.. it felt like everything has come to an end..

Doctor said, “We found a tumour near his kidney... it is about 9cmx6cm in size.. we’re not sure what it is specifically.. it could be Nephroblastoma a.k.a Wilm’s tumour or Neuroblastoma..”

........................................................ Silence.... both my hubby and I were silent for a moment.. then we asked him a few questions then the doctor left.. both our heads couldn’t register what the doctor just said.. so i just kissed my son, hugged my hubby and left..coz it was hubby’s turn to stay the night.. yes i know some of u might judge me and say, “how could I leave my son and go home?? Ape punya ibu la macam ni and whatnot..” lantak la korang nak kata ape.. for me, its all about practicality.. if my hubby and i take turns staying overnight, then at least both of us have enough rest in order to take good care of our son.. ada paham tak?? In the day, both of us will take care of him, then bila malam, kitaorg tukar2 la tido kat sana.. sebab nak jaga orang sakit, minda kena cergas, hati kena tenang, tidur mesti kena cukup.. so if we have the chance to do so, why not? Kalau mmg dah takde pilihan macam single mothers or fathers tuh, memang takleh buat ape2 la kan.. so i think u guys get the picture.. nak terima ke tak.. tak kisah la..

Anyway... when i left the hospital.. while walking to the car.. air mata menitik bagai nak rak tanpa sedar.. tetiba jer nangis teresak-esak..masuk kete.. tenangkan hati.. sebab takut nak drive dlm keadaan macam tuh kan.. kang teraccident satu hal la plak kan... so dengan hati yg serba relax serba tidak tuh, i pun drive home.. masa nak sampai rumah.. tetiba kawan office call.. tanya i.. macam mane? Ade ape2 results tak? ....................... terus berderai ayaq mata cheq.. nak cakap tapi tak keluar ape..kawan i mesti terkejut kot time tuh.. tetiba dengar i meraung kat telephone.. meraung sampai la depan umah.. park kete.. pastu try control nangis.. kawan i sabar n tunggu jer on the line.. then bila dah boleh ckp.. i told her what the doctor said.. rasa macam nak terjun bangunan dah masa tuh.. (pls excuse my expression yea.. im not suicidal, just expressing the details of my heart).. then she asked me to calm down and update the office of any news..

Masuk umah, cite kat Mama.. oh by the way, we stay at my mom’s place since my mom is a single mother.. kesian nak tinggal dia sesorang.. so bila dah cite kat Mama, meleleh lagi la air mata.. pastuh naik atas.. nangis sampai tertido sambil peluk baju anak.. 

Then when Friday arrived.. doctors still nak hold kitaorg sebab nak buat investigation lagi tapi hubby dah fed up dah sebab hosp buat anak dia macam experiment exhibit kann.. doctor nak observe air kencing lah ape lah.. but i refused sebab i tak nak diaorg buat macam2 but diaorg sebenarnya taktau sangat pun.. plus bila pakai catheter kat saluran kencing tuh, possibility of bacterial infection is quite high and im not willing to risk it la kan.. sebab one thing i memang very particular when it comes to my son’s exposure to the dirty world nowadays.. bukan dirty ape, maksudnya mcm2 penyakit, udara tak bersih.. n all that la.. so i don’t bring my son to places mcm pasar malam.. supermarket.. or tempat2 yg ramai orang, tempat ramai orang akan batuk and bersin kat muka kita la senang kata.. biarlah orang nak kata ape kan.. lain org, lain la cara jaga anak.. oops dah terdivert pulak.. ok sambung.. so last2 the head of paed datang jumpa kitaorg uallsss.. dia kata dia follow case aisy this past few days.. tapi dia kata.. dia kena refer kitaorg kat HKL sebab nak buat MRI semua.. and Pjaya don’t have those kind of facilities.. so kami direfer untuk pergi hari pada hari isnin pagi.. and so, our chapter at Pjaya Hosp ends..