Hey there.. It’s me.. Cancer..

15 December 2015... Worst day for the year 2015... Tuhan je yang tahu betapa hancur nya hati ni... this was the day kitaorg pergi amik results MRI Aisy.. I never thought I would hear it again... Doctor said the cancer is back and active.. and it has spread and showing signs of spreading further.. but he said it is not so aggressive because it took one year from the last MRI for it to spread... he said the lymph nodes near the spine is swollen and melekat to each other.. and the tumour is blocking his right kidney punya output, so kidney sebelah kanan dah mula membengkak sebab ade halangan...

Doctor suggest buat immediate operation... tapi as we already know.. the operation is high risk... so the kind doctor gave us time untuk decide.. sebab Aisy tak symptomatic pun... xde tunjuk apa2 kesakitan or symptom pun.. so macam mana nak decide? Operation tuh can make him paralyse, brain damage, severe blood loss, major complications that could cause him to.... u know...

However, if tak buat operation, slowly mungkin dia punya kidney boleh damage lagi teruk, boleh develop symptom2 lain, cancer tuh boleh spread lagi ke tempat lain and worst case scenario, doctor kata, dia boleh paralyse.. sebab main tumour yang ade tuh dekat spine L2-L5 yang mengganggu pinggang ke bawah.

Sejak hari tuh... theres not a day that goes by yang I tak nangis... last week doctor N call tanya if we have decided anything.. i told him we need to sit down with the head surgeon first before deciding anything coz nak go thru all the details of the surgery IF we ever decided to go along with it..

So far Aisy is doing well.. masih main, makan, lompat2 like a normal kid.. pergi tadika macam biasa... life is good for him now...

I don’t know what to say.. I don’t know what to think.. I don’t know what i feel..

Hari2 tenung wajah dia.. tengok jer dia bila dia bermain... wondering apa nasib dia lepas ni... anakku.. yang sikit pun tak berdosa.. yang sikit pun tak bersalah... yang sikit pun taktau apa yang sedang berlaku pada dia...

Aku pasrah... Aku berserah... apa pun keputusan yang dibuat lepas ni bukanlah dari kami kerana itu semua ketentuan Ilahi.. semuanya daripada Dia.. kerana aku milik Dia.. anakku juga milik Dia... aku cuma mintak keredhaan, keteguhan iman dan ketabahan untuk menghadapi segala ketentuan, dugaan n ujian yang diberi...

Readers, please doakan untuk Aisy Ezkandar... semoga dia kembali sihat tanpa perlu mengharungi apa2 kesakitan dan kesengsaraan dan keluarga kami juga mendapat keberkatan dan kebaikan daripada dugaan ini...

Ibu berserah sayang... Although deep down, ibu sangat berharap Aisy dipinjamkan lama sikit kepada ibu... sebab ibu belum tahu macam mana nak hidup tanpa Aisy...